Tuesday, March 10, 2009

perfectly imperfect

As cliche as it sounds, things definitely change when you get married. & that doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing. BUT, it does however, mean that there has to be some adjusting, some compromising & indefinite cooperation.

In a matter of just about one year, I became a wife & a mother. Two of the hardest roles in life, I think. They are roles that I cherish dearly, but definitely did not anticipate what would be expected of me. As a wife, I married my best friend. The one person who I truly wanted to share my life with ... I got exactly what I wanted. & although I always felt like this was my meant to be, I always seem to question my other half. He does much to reassure me, but I think I'll always have that feeling bottled up inside of me. It's a bitter thing I know & I'm working on it, but ... I can't fade it. But this is my life, & I love every moment of it.

As a first-time mama, I learn something new everyday. I do everything I can to apply these learnings in my day-to-day situations. Some days are easier than others. Some days A needs more nurturing, more cuddling. Some days he's independant & wants his space. Everyday is different, everyday has a surprise. I still can't believe that I have this sweet baby boy that trusts me with his life, completely. He loves me unconditionally, & looks at me like I'm his hero. This is the joy of motherhood. I never imagined just how incredible this feeling could be, I am so lucky. Since day one, he has been my world.

My whole life changed, my world became complete (well, for now, I still want more babes!) Somedays, I feel selfish. Selfish for wanting some time away from A, for wanting to go back to school, for wanting to sleep in, for wanting to wean ... I'm still dealing with balance & I'm learning the importance of taking care of myself & keeping me happy. Happy me = happy family. Hahaha.

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