Wednesday, October 29, 2008

high waisted FC skirt

This photo was taken in August of 2007.
Only a little over a year ago. I wonder when I'll be able to fit into this outfit again.

Postpartum weight sucks.

Sunday, October 26, 2008


I have an ingrown on my big toe :(

I knew it was a bad thing when they pedicure lady was cutting the sides of my toes. But that was way back in August I believe, I don't understand why the ingrown would appear now. Unless I had something to do with it, but I doubt that. Whomp, the throbbing pain is so distracting.

Friday, October 24, 2008

sleeping habits; take 2

Last night was definitely not successful. If I remember correctly, I think Ryan labelled it as 'one of the worst nights, so far'. I don't think I would have taken it that far! But it came pretty darn close. Typical bedtime routine last night - massage with your bedtime lotion, then changed you into you sleeper, followed by two bedtime stores.Your last feeding was at 7pm and I had placed you into your crib by 7:56pm. You woke up at 1am, then decided you wanted to play, fed at 3am and was still awake at 4am! Everything seemed like such a blur. Fed again at 7am, I believe (I could barely tell what was a dream and what was reality!). Up with daddy at 9:51am.

So I searched online for a typical routine of a breastfeeding stay-at-home mom of a 4-month baby. It seemed pretty close to what we have been doing since you were about 2 1/2 months old. I'm going to try it out and just tweak it a bit.

430am: Wake up, change diaper, nurses, and we fall back asleep
8am: Wake up, he nurses and falls back asleep
9am: He wakes up. Bathe him, change his diaper, and get him dressed
11am: He nurses, then sits in his bouncer while I do laundry and dishes, then I change his diaper
Noon: Tummy time, then we play with his toys
1pm: Change his diaper, then it's nap time
2pm: He wakes up and nurses
230pm: He plays in his entertainment center while I clean
3pm: He sits on my lap while I watch TV or go on the Internet, change his diaper
4pm: playtime
5pm: Nurse, then nap time
630 pm: Change his diaper, then he sits in his swing
7pm: Tummy time & playtime
8pm: Change diaper, massage with lotion, get into pajamas then nurse.
830pm: Storytime
9pm: Bedtime

I hope tonight's a better night, ek!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

sleeping habits

Since the day you were born, daddy and I always had mixed views about letting you use a binky. We once asked your doctor about it & she gave us a look of disbelief, I guess she disagreed with the usage. We decided to use it ONLY when we were out in public and in the car during long trips. But then started using the binks when you were crying lots & lots and to put to you sleep (both naptime & bedtime).

We stopped letting you use you binky last Sunday - cold turkey. It's been a rough few nights, but we think it's going to be worth it in the end. I just don't think you understand the concept of 'self-soothing' yet, but you're starting to stuck your fingers while I put you to sleep. We've also pushed your bedtime to 7:30pm. Last night, I placed you into your crib by 8:12pm and you woke up at 4:07am for a feeding. Much better than waking up at 2am! I also went to bed earlier, which means that I wasn't such a grumpy when I woke up. & I didn't have to wake up daddy to do your diaper change, which I bet he appreciated greatly!

I still can't believe that we have this sweet baby boy, well not so sleep when he want to sleep!
You're growing up too fast baby, slow down.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

love is like a role that we play.
but i believe in you so much - i could die for the words that you say.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

giving thanks!

Saturday night, nearly midnight.
I'm sitting in front of the computer, scrambling to finish this week's readings. I'm the most distracted when I sit here, but for some reason, this is where I get most of my reading done. I strive for the pages of my readings to look like this - pages filled with yellow highlights and little notes & reminders jotted down with pencil.

Growing up, Thanksgivings was never really a big event in my family (nothing like Christmas or our birthdays). I didn't really ask why then & I still down know why now. Ryan's family on the other hand, the perfect stereotypical holiday, trimmings & all. I have so many things to be thankful for this past year, my life has changed dramatically, I've grown up. We often overlook the little things that make us happy, that makes us unique & that draw out our personalities .. here are my little things:

(1) my aiden. It was around this time last year that I found out I was preggo. We told both our families at Thanksgiving. The reactions were mixed. Some thought we were too young, some were beaming in delight. It was such a tough time, filled with both good & bad emotions. But one thing that I can say for certain - regardless of what everyone's feelings & thoughts were - I was going to have this baby, no matter what. Look at us, one year later ... Aiden, you are the best part of me.

(2) my good health. I think this is something that I definitely overlook & maybe even take for granted. Although it does seem like I have this 24 hours, 7-days a week cold - my health is pretty damn good.

(3) marrying my best friend, my first love. I always knew, that it was going to be you. Even through our months apart, I always had a feeling, deep down inside that you were going to be the man I was going to marry. There's nothing I would change, nothing I would do over. But I could have never done this without you. I love you!

(4) sleeping in. a rare, (very rare) pleasure. But when it happens, instant satisfaction.

(5) my family. Even though my brothers, my sister & I are each 5 years part, we've always been a close, tight-knit family. I never knew it any other way & for that I feel blessed. My ma & dad raise us in a household that was filled with love, support, encouragment & forgiveness. We were taught to dream, to believe and to achieve. Even though we tease our parents about having favourites (because it's true!) ... we all know the kind of unconditional love they have for us.

(6) my long-lasting friends. There's just something about having such a bond. They're the kind of people that you can be apart from for some time, but the moment you get together - it's like time never passed. When I was younger, I always thought that I needed a multitude of friends. But as I grew, I knew that I only needed the ones that I would stick with me, no matter how tough things seemed. I could all my friends with the fingers I have on one hand, & I count myself lucky.

(7) my education. It's been a long time coming, but I can feel it. It still feels like I have so much work to do (maybe because I do!), but my degree will soon be in my possession. It's been tough, juggling between my studies, having Aiden & this 1st year of marriage, but everything's just in its place.

(8) our financial status. Although we ran a large MasterCard bill last month, I'm thankful for being financially stable. Especially with all the talk of a serious recession that's occurring in the United States, money does matter. I think I do, however, need to start putting things into perspective. Sometimes, it's like we feel like we still have all that discretionary income. But we're trying to build a family now ...

(9) our dreams. are made of BIG things. I don't think I'll ever stop dreaming.

(10) my creative juices. I am thankful for having the ability to express myself in various ways, in various outlets. I guess for the time being, my biggest outlet has been in the preservaion of our memories. I've grown out of the stage where I document all the heartaches of life & the bitterness of my teenage years. Having Aiden made me realize that miracles do happen, even to ordinary people.

(11) my thirst for learning. I share this greatly with Ryan. We always tell each other that if we were one person, we would be the smartest! Ryan being so streetsmart, having the common sense and the intuition and me being booksmart, having an alternate word for any word and knowing random facts of life. So maybe Aiden will be our genius baby! I'll never feel too old to learn.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

As much as I love love distance education classes, I'm getting lost in my readings. Sometimes, I don't even think that anything that I'm writing in my current new application assignment makes any sense. But I'm just trying to get it done so that I can start spending some time with you.
Times like these makes me wish I had my damn degree already!

So I started Aiden's First Year album. Rocky start. Somehow, even with a paper trimmer - I still can't cut straight lines. But I'm leaving it the way it is.
Imperfections brings out character.

Friday, October 3, 2008

the heart of the matter

This is way far beyond my imagination.

Some days it's still hard to believe that we have a little baby boy. (I think when you get married, you say 'we' a lot, instead of saying 'I' - I don't know why, but I always seem to speak on behalf of Ryan, hehe). It's hard to believe that we're responsible (completely responsible) for another human being - other than each other. I could barely take care of myself, but now there's this little person who trusts me completely, who relies on me entirely.

To have all this by the age of twenty-two, is exhilerating.
I have become a wife, but it still feels like we're dating! I have become a mama, to the sweetest baby boy in world. I have learned patience, that it's okay to things to get a little messy sometimes. I have started to become more creative, jotting things down that make me happy. I have passion again. I have experience what it means to on an overwhelmed emotional roller coaster, but I've ejoyed the ride. I have learned the importance of team work, not to mention compromise (especially at 3 am!). I can't wait to see what life has in store ...

We'll hurt, we'll heal.
But we'll get through this together ...

I think that's my favourite part.
So, this is what it feels like to be happy.