oh crap;

So today is the anticipated 'wedding of the year' - & I say that with little enthusiam because of the fact that there's really no wedding at all ... the reception will most likely upstage the 'wedding of 2007' but nevertheless, be ... non-fun.

On the crappier side, Ryan decided to work @ Niagara St. Cafe for brunch - which he does every Sunday. BUT, he forgot to leave A's carseat. Waaahhh, & I don't think leaving early is an option for him (more wahhhh). So now, I'm sitting here, putting A to nap, thinking - I may just miss this event.

waiting, waiting, waiting ...

Lately, I’ve been full of one-liners.
Here’s to one more.

I want you, to want me.

just a few things to consider;

Stop being insecure.
You're doing a GREAT job.

Give yourself more credit,
this is a BIG learning experience.

Be nice,
it's his FIRST time too.

Take things slow,
all things will fall into place.

& remember,
you're in this together ...
You always have been & you always will be.

(Don't sweat the small stuff)

our very own little rugrat!

Today was rough.

It was constant constant crying & earing piercing screams. I'm still trying to figure our why A has been so cranky all day long. I would think that a nap would relieve the cranks, but even those didn't work today (not even FOOD!).

Hope tomorrow goes better. Wah,

note to self;

Love is not supposed to hurt.

sleepless nights

Aiden has been having episodes of waking up hysterically, sitting on our bed, waiting for someone to come in, swoop down & rescue him ... it's been a few days.

Tonight, during one of these episodes Ryan asks A, 'hey buddy, do you want to be an only child?' ... hahaha.

I laugh because it's true. The nights are really when Ryan & I have some 'alone' time to hang out with each other. Mornings are still rough for us, because A is still not sleeping straight, so we still have crapp nights. But it definitely has gotten better - baby steps, no doubt. It's like I want to fast forward to the days when A sleeps in his own bed, on his own, BUT at the same time I want to savour every moment of my days now. It's simply bittersweet.

A sleeps so peacefully in my arms,

c'est la vie

Crappy how small things can truly ruin your day
& it's amazing how the same things can bring you right back up again.

I guess that pretty much sums up how my days have been.
Seeing family tomorrow for Kristina's Sweet 16. I hope I'll have some photos to share after then.


(ordinary people)

perfectly imperfect

As cliche as it sounds, things definitely change when you get married. & that doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing. BUT, it does however, mean that there has to be some adjusting, some compromising & indefinite cooperation.

In a matter of just about one year, I became a wife & a mother. Two of the hardest roles in life, I think. They are roles that I cherish dearly, but definitely did not anticipate what would be expected of me. As a wife, I married my best friend. The one person who I truly wanted to share my life with ... I got exactly what I wanted. & although I always felt like this was my meant to be, I always seem to question my other half. He does much to reassure me, but I think I'll always have that feeling bottled up inside of me. It's a bitter thing I know & I'm working on it, but ... I can't fade it. But this is my life, & I love every moment of it.

As a first-time mama, I learn something new everyday. I do everything I can to apply these learnings in my day-to-day situations. Some days are easier than others. Some days A needs more nurturing, more cuddling. Some days he's independant & wants his space. Everyday is different, everyday has a surprise. I still can't believe that I have this sweet baby boy that trusts me with his life, completely. He loves me unconditionally, & looks at me like I'm his hero. This is the joy of motherhood. I never imagined just how incredible this feeling could be, I am so lucky. Since day one, he has been my world.

My whole life changed, my world became complete (well, for now, I still want more babes!) Somedays, I feel selfish. Selfish for wanting some time away from A, for wanting to go back to school, for wanting to sleep in, for wanting to wean ... I'm still dealing with balance & I'm learning the importance of taking care of myself & keeping me happy. Happy me = happy family. Hahaha.

Please, slow down baby -

& stop growing!

Tomorrow, Aiden is 9 months old. (Already)

I have much anxiety building up inside of me. Mainly because his 9 month mark means that I'll have to return to work in less than 3 months ... & the separation anxiety begins for me. To have spent everyday, since day one with A & then to have to leave him for 8 hour stretches - makes me so sad. BUT, I have to think about it in such a way that, Ryan & I are working towards a better life for the 3 of us. That we're working towrads a future for our family ... & that we're starting our forever, together.

Ask me about all of this, 2-3 years ago, & I would have never imagined that I would have any of this. The kind of LOVE that A shows me, the kind of LOVE that Ryan means to me - these boys are my life (even though Ryan now calls himself my 'number 2' guy) BUT, this life, is tough - this life, has ups, downs & all arounds. There's hardships & obstacles. There's late nights, when we just sit & wonder whether we're doing the right things. When we ask ourselves questions - we wonder whether you're happy. Are we being good parents? There are times when we fight, argue & place blame - it's not always picture perfect. But the hard times is what makes the good times, really good. A few nights ago, I remember lying down in bed, almost bedtime, starring at you & Ry. I can hear you both breathing. You were sleeping, & dada was just watching you sleep. My life, at that moment ... felt complete.

How wonderful life is,
now you're in the world.

feeling like some weight has been lifted!

Okay, not in the sense that I really want, BUT ... I got a haircut today :)

(finally) & the best part about it is that, I paid $13! Small little Asian place on Hwy 10 & Dundas (I know, I know - not one of the best areas, but ... thirteen dollars?! C'mon now!) I haven't really decided if I'm in love love with it, but it feels wicked & uber healthy. Nothing too drastic, because I didn't want to feel like I had 'mom hair', plus I NEED to be able to tie it back into a pony tail (For A LOVES to pull hair). It's 3 inches shorter, but hair is hair & will grow back eventually. So for now, I'm happy :)

Also, it really feels like Ryan and I are getting the hang of this whole saving thing. Well, it just seems like there's more coming in, then going out & by the end of this week - we will have fully paid off our MasterCard! woohoo! No more balances! That makes me truly happy. (We're going out for lunch, just us and A to celebrate) & we're going to use our debit card. It's time to start purchasing 'things' that we need versus the wants. I do, however, believe in once in a while splurges. Life is worth living! (But not in debit, hahaha). I was watching Oprah the other afternoon & she was taking about living a much simpler life. It truly intrigued me. She was talking about a 'pledge' ... this is what it entailed:

Do not spend money for one day

Do not use your credit card(s) for one week

Do not eat out at restaurants for ONE MONTH

The first two are rather easily for Ryan and I, considering Ryan works six days a week and only really spends money on gas & considering that I'm on Mat Leave and don't have a car regularly. The third, however, ekkk! It's our most favourite thing to do! I think it will have to be one of those things that we limit ourselves from doing, but I don't know about eliminating it completely. That will definitely be a challenge! BUT, I must give us credit .. I know for a fact that we've cut back on eating out and spending all together. It seems like our spending accumulates to weekly trips for A's neccessities (oh A :))

It's tax season. Let's hope it's a good one.

highschool sweethearts

Today, I had brunch with Vickee and Anj (& A).

It feels nice just hanging out, catching up with great girlfriends. It's been way too long and the part that I love most, is that we're able to just pick up right where we left off - no questions asked. (Ok, I lied .. lots & lots of questions are asked!)

Good times,

On the other hand, I ordered a burger - first & last time from this place.

Gross.