I just don't think I'll ever be a consistent blogger.

maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me

I've forgotten how much music influences the way that I feel. Until it was 4am this morning & A was crying hysterically, I ran and got my iPod & turned on what I thought was his favourite song of the moment - Wonderwall. (He seems to like it when we sing it around him, especially when doing a diaper change ... calms him down & he sings along).

I don't believe that anybody
feels the way I do about you now

Though cranky, though so tired,
I live for moments like these.

But please, try & stop waking up at 4am, please?

sheer joy

I love time before 'let's get ready for bedtime'.

I nursed you at 7:10pm & you were in bed by 7:45pm.
I haven't had to go back and soothe you since.
This is amazing.

On another note,
I'm slacking, really slacking on my 'December daily' album. I hope that the days to follow to be better! I can already feel the month getting busy. The joy of Christmas.

night number 3

I was so ready to post the success of our trials of Saturday night, but decided to spend some well-needed quality time with Ryan! & by quality time, I mean watching DEXTER :)

Night number 3
It's getting easier. Your schedule all day was out of control. (I think it's because when Ryan's home, I get a little more lenient and relaxed & everything is not so go-go-go, do-do-do). But the evening turned out pretty good. I was afraid when you took a nap at 6pm, but when we went to wake you at 6:30pm, there you were, smiling :) (my favourite!) We ended up feeding Aiden rice cereal mixed with oatmeal before I nursed, wicked wicked idea!
He slept until 5am.
Okay so it's not my most favourite thing,
that he woke up at five, BUT NOTHING BEATS STRAIGHT SLEEP!

my little A & his 1st runny nose

I've been slacking, I know.

Things around here have been busy.

I've finally finished a 16-page plus paper on productivity reccomendations. (Secretly, I love to edit papers, hehehe).

Aiden has his 1st cold. It came about around Tuesday and the poor little guy is still learning to breathe through his mouth. His nose keeps running into his mouth, but he doesn't seem to mind. He's only starting to learn the concept of mama & daddy wiping his nose with kleenex, he doesn't fuss so much anymore :) I also think our little boy is at the early stages of teething (ekk!), he's drooling like it's going out of style. All his toys are soaking wet, which reminds me, note to self: hand-wash all the little toys lying around.

I'm now sick as well, along with Aiden. I hate being sick, I complain a lot - & usually take it out on Ryan. But he's learned to deal with my drama, I love him.

Another thing, we've pushed Aiden's bedtime back to 7:30 - 8:00pm ish. We're trying the CIO method & boy, the boy can CRY. Makes me feel like a bad mama sometimes, but I've learned to stick it out. Mind you, it's not cold turkey - we're patting him, rubbing his belly, telling him we love him, good-night baby, etc., every 5 minutes.

Last night, he woke up at 2:00am and 4:30am (for his usual feedings). We're trying to cut out the 'middle-of-the-night' feedings as well. It's tough stuff, motherly instincts just want to nurse him, but we're lying down some rules! (finally, Aiden's so spoiled!)

Tonight is night number 2.

It took me 2 times of checking up & on the 3rd time, he was asleep. I just had to adjust his position so that his head was elevated, helps him breathe better.

I hope tonight is better, *crosses fingers.

I'm going to try & implement (hahaha) this new schedule by Monday.

7:30 am - Wake up, nurse, change out of sleeper, change diaper

8:00 am - Breakfast (just rice cereal, maybe next week, fruit)

8:15 am - Play with Daddy, activity mat

9:15 am - Naptime

11:00am - Wake up, nurse, change diaper

11:30am - Lunch (veggies)

11:45am - Say bye to Daddy!, play with toys

12:30pm - Naptime

2:00pm - Wake up, nurse, change diaper

2:30pm - Play with toys, jolly jumper

3:30pm - Naptime

5:00pm - Wake up, nurse, change diaper

5:45pm - Dinner (just oatmeal, maybe next week veggies & fruit)

6:00pm - Light activities with mama, slowly getting ready for bed

7:00pm - Change diaper, massage bedtime lotion, get into sleeper, read bedtime book

7:30pm - Nurse

Then bedtime, transition from our bed into his crib.

I feel like the holidays are just going to mess up up! :)

I'm listening to Christmas music & nothing puts me into the mood more. Except, I'm rather bitter of the fact that my papers & supplied for my December mini album have yet to arrive. I'm working with what I've got so far, but I've got A LOT of catching up to do!!!!

school stuff

I've been devoting most of my time to a productivity analysis paper for my online class. Problem is: it's a group paper & one of the hardest things about online classmates, if having everyone place forth the same amount of effort as you do. Crappy. So, here I am, placing forth lots and lots of time and energy into this 16 page paper. When in reality, I'd rather be playing with Photoshop. Annnnd, of course, spending time with Ry & Bunky.

I'm scared to go back next semester, even though it's just PT. I really don't want to leave Aiden. Separation anxiety.

Okay, back to this paper.

I'll be back with more thrilling things!

newbie!

Today, after dinner, I am baking my 1st loaf: lemon poppy seed.
Hope all goes well!

fill me in!

Busy bee, busy bee!
What have we been up to?

(1) My 23rd birthday came and passed. Ryan got me the exact bracelet that I wanted, wrapped in some kraft paper (so creative!) and inside a little blue box tied with a white little bow. Plus, he surprised me with this book. & he wrote this on the inside cover:

To my darling wife!
Here is your first cookbook.
I'm hoping you'll put it to good use!
I love you.
Your #2 guy
-Ryan.

(2) On that note, I have yet to bake anything. But, we did however, pick up the Kitchen Aid Mixer that I bought Ryan some Christmas ago from his ma's. That's a start right? & I did learn how to use it :)

(3) On Sunday, we started Aiden on rice cereal! Woohoo! Heinz organic whole wheat rice cereal. A few days prior to the main event, I was 'pretend' feeding Aiden with just an empty spoon. He seemed to understand the concept quite well (what a smart boy!). We'll see how this goes. I'm just hoping that it fills him up during the evening so that we doesn't constantly wake up in the middle of the night. His routine, however, has gotten much better. I can't believe that he's almost 6 months, my goodness. Time is flying ...

(4) I have yet to start my '25 days until Christmas' mini album. I ordered my last batch of papers and supplies last night. I'm hoping that they come in sometime this week. My ma even beat me to completing her template ... whomp.

(5) Christmas shopping has started. My list has not become 'our' list and it has now doubled.

(6) OH! My Treo died on me on my birthday. So I have officially joined the BB bandwagon. I'm already addicted. This could be bad.

That's all for now, off to my creative desk.

whomp

& so the countdown begins,
t-minus approx. 1 hour.

I don't know why I feel so glum.
This will probably change by tomorrow.

Here's to hoping.

online shopping

Since I'm on mat leave, I've found a liking to shopping online :)
Currently, I'm anxiously awaiting a package of scrapbooking supplies. I checked today & all the mailbox contained was a statement from State Farm letting me know that they've increased our costs - wonderful.

happy tuesday.

While I was attempting to sleep in, Ryan places Aiden in our bed with me. He tells me that he needs to take a trip to Kensington Market for some pork belly (for his addition at work). All groggy, I murmur, "uh-huh".

Secretly, I know he went downtown in search for my birthday gift :)
I love how he tries to surprise me, but how he also knows that I'm just too smart for it!

Oh my, 23 in 2.

kiss kiss!

OMG. So there I was, sitting with Aiden on my lap while my mother siffed through all her scrapbooking supplies ... in an attempt to organize them all.

I started kissing Aiden's cheeks & behind his ears ..

& to my surprise, he kisses me back! Plants a big, wet on on my lips!

What a nice guy :)

xoxo!

keep fit & have fun!

I joined the gym last Thursday.
& I've gone 3 times since (my ideal is 2-3 times a week for about an hour each time).
A whole one-year membership. What did I get myself into? :)

Aiden & I joined a mom & tot class at the gym that I became a member at. Let me tell you, it's a freaking workout!

happy birthday love!

Another year, yet another birthday! But this is the first one that I get to call you my husband :)
So happy 22nd birthday hubby! hahaha.

Like I said in your card,
live large,
(don't worry too much about the money, we'll be okay!)
chase your dreams,
& the rest will just fall into place.

& just in case you didn't already know,
- I'm your biggest fan!

I love you more than all of the stars in the sky
* * *

high waisted FC skirt

This photo was taken in August of 2007.
Only a little over a year ago. I wonder when I'll be able to fit into this outfit again.

Postpartum weight sucks.

ouch!

I have an ingrown on my big toe :(

I knew it was a bad thing when they pedicure lady was cutting the sides of my toes. But that was way back in August I believe, I don't understand why the ingrown would appear now. Unless I had something to do with it, but I doubt that. Whomp, the throbbing pain is so distracting.

sleeping habits; take 2

Last night was definitely not successful. If I remember correctly, I think Ryan labelled it as 'one of the worst nights, so far'. I don't think I would have taken it that far! But it came pretty darn close. Typical bedtime routine last night - massage with your bedtime lotion, then changed you into you sleeper, followed by two bedtime stores.Your last feeding was at 7pm and I had placed you into your crib by 7:56pm. You woke up at 1am, then decided you wanted to play, fed at 3am and was still awake at 4am! Everything seemed like such a blur. Fed again at 7am, I believe (I could barely tell what was a dream and what was reality!). Up with daddy at 9:51am.

Horrible.

So I searched online for a typical routine of a breastfeeding stay-at-home mom of a 4-month baby. It seemed pretty close to what we have been doing since you were about 2 1/2 months old. I'm going to try it out and just tweak it a bit.

430am: Wake up, change diaper, nurses, and we fall back asleep

8am: Wake up, he nurses and falls back asleep

9am: He wakes up. Bathe him, change his diaper, and get him dressed

11am: He nurses, then sits in his bouncer while I do laundry and dishes, then I change his diaper

Noon: Tummy time, then we play with his toys

1pm: Change his diaper, then it's nap time

2pm: He wakes up and nurses

230pm: He plays in his entertainment center while I clean

3pm: He sits on my lap while I watch TV or go on the Internet, change his diaper

4pm: playtime

5pm: Nurse, then nap time

630 pm: Change his diaper, then he sits in his swing

7pm: Tummy time & playtime

8pm: Change diaper, massage with lotion, get into pajamas then nurse.

830pm: Storytime

9pm: Bedtime

I hope tonight's a better night, ek!

sleeping habits

Since the day you were born, daddy and I always had mixed views about letting you use a binky. We once asked your doctor about it & she gave us a look of disbelief, I guess she disagreed with the usage. We decided to use it ONLY when we were out in public and in the car during long trips. But then started using the binks when you were crying lots & lots and to put to you sleep (both naptime & bedtime).

We stopped letting you use you binky last Sunday - cold turkey. It's been a rough few nights, but we think it's going to be worth it in the end. I just don't think you understand the concept of 'self-soothing' yet, but you're starting to stuck your fingers while I put you to sleep. We've also pushed your bedtime to 7:30pm. Last night, I placed you into your crib by 8:12pm and you woke up at 4:07am for a feeding. Much better than waking up at 2am! I also went to bed earlier, which means that I wasn't such a grumpy when I woke up. & I didn't have to wake up daddy to do your diaper change, which I bet he appreciated greatly!

I still can't believe that we have this sweet baby boy, well not so sleep when he want to sleep!
You're growing up too fast baby, slow down.

love is like a role that we play.
but i believe in you so much - i could die for the words that you say.

giving thanks!

Saturday night, nearly midnight.

I'm sitting in front of the computer, scrambling to finish this week's readings. I'm the most distracted when I sit here, but for some reason, this is where I get most of my reading done. I strive for the pages of my readings to look like this - pages filled with yellow highlights and little notes & reminders jotted down with pencil.

Growing up, Thanksgivings was never really a big event in my family (nothing like Christmas or our birthdays). I didn't really ask why then & I still down know why now. Ryan's family on the other hand, the perfect stereotypical holiday, trimmings & all. I have so many things to be thankful for this past year, my life has changed dramatically, I've grown up. We often overlook the little things that make us happy, that makes us unique & that draw out our personalities .. here are my little things:

(1) my aiden. It was around this time last year that I found out I was preggo. We told both our families at Thanksgiving. The reactions were mixed. Some thought we were too young, some were beaming in delight. It was such a tough time, filled with both good & bad emotions. But one thing that I can say for certain - regardless of what everyone's feelings & thoughts were - I was going to have this baby, no matter what. Look at us, one year later ... Aiden, you are the best part of me.

(2) my good health. I think this is something that I definitely overlook & maybe even take for granted. Although it does seem like I have this 24 hours, 7-days a week cold - my health is pretty damn good.

(3) marrying my best friend, my first love. I always knew, that it was going to be you. Even through our months apart, I always had a feeling, deep down inside that you were going to be the man I was going to marry. There's nothing I would change, nothing I would do over. But I could have never done this without you. I love you!

(4) sleeping in. a rare, (very rare) pleasure. But when it happens, instant satisfaction.

(5) my family. Even though my brothers, my sister & I are each 5 years part, we've always been a close, tight-knit family. I never knew it any other way & for that I feel blessed. My ma & dad raise us in a household that was filled with love, support, encouragment & forgiveness. We were taught to dream, to believe and to achieve. Even though we tease our parents about having favourites (because it's true!) ... we all know the kind of unconditional love they have for us.

(6) my long-lasting friends. There's just something about having such a bond. They're the kind of people that you can be apart from for some time, but the moment you get together - it's like time never passed. When I was younger, I always thought that I needed a multitude of friends. But as I grew, I knew that I only needed the ones that I would stick with me, no matter how tough things seemed. I could all my friends with the fingers I have on one hand, & I count myself lucky.

(7) my education. It's been a long time coming, but I can feel it. It still feels like I have so much work to do (maybe because I do!), but my degree will soon be in my possession. It's been tough, juggling between my studies, having Aiden & this 1st year of marriage, but everything's just in its place.

(8) our financial status. Although we ran a large MasterCard bill last month, I'm thankful for being financially stable. Especially with all the talk of a serious recession that's occurring in the United States, money does matter. I think I do, however, need to start putting things into perspective. Sometimes, it's like we feel like we still have all that discretionary income. But we're trying to build a family now ...

(9) our dreams. are made of BIG things. I don't think I'll ever stop dreaming.

(10) my creative juices. I am thankful for having the ability to express myself in various ways, in various outlets. I guess for the time being, my biggest outlet has been in the preservaion of our memories. I've grown out of the stage where I document all the heartaches of life & the bitterness of my teenage years. Having Aiden made me realize that miracles do happen, even to ordinary people.

(11) my thirst for learning. I share this greatly with Ryan. We always tell each other that if we were one person, we would be the smartest! Ryan being so streetsmart, having the common sense and the intuition and me being booksmart, having an alternate word for any word and knowing random facts of life. So maybe Aiden will be our genius baby! I'll never feel too old to learn.

Happy Thanksgiving.

As much as I love love distance education classes, I'm getting lost in my readings. Sometimes, I don't even think that anything that I'm writing in my current new application assignment makes any sense. But I'm just trying to get it done so that I can start spending some time with you.
Times like these makes me wish I had my damn degree already!

So I started Aiden's First Year album. Rocky start. Somehow, even with a paper trimmer - I still can't cut straight lines. But I'm leaving it the way it is.

Imperfections brings out character.

the heart of the matter

This is way far beyond my imagination.

Some days it's still hard to believe that we have a little baby boy. (I think when you get married, you say 'we' a lot, instead of saying 'I' - I don't know why, but I always seem to speak on behalf of Ryan, hehe). It's hard to believe that we're responsible (completely responsible) for another human being - other than each other. I could barely take care of myself, but now there's this little person who trusts me completely, who relies on me entirely.

To have all this by the age of twenty-two, is exhilerating.
I have become a wife, but it still feels like we're dating! I have become a mama, to the sweetest baby boy in world. I have learned patience, that it's okay to things to get a little messy sometimes. I have started to become more creative, jotting things down that make me happy. I have passion again. I have experience what it means to on an overwhelmed emotional roller coaster, but I've ejoyed the ride. I have learned the importance of team work, not to mention compromise (especially at 3 am!). I can't wait to see what life has in store ...

We'll hurt, we'll heal.
But we'll get through this together ...

I think that's my favourite part.
So, this is what it feels like to be happy.

hello motherhood

June 5th; It's hard to believe that you were ever this small. Carrying you around for 39 weeks, I had already grown so attached to you. Then the moment I saw you, I fell in love. I was filled with so much joy, but also overwhelmed with fear and excitement.

You were finally here, you've arrived.

my most favourite

it's been a long time coming. (but deep down I always always knew it would be you & me).

Besides labour, I think that the most challenging thing was not having my ma there with me (She had left 2 days before on a business trip to Pennsylvania). I obviously had all the support that I could ever imagined - but not having ma there definitely hit a soft spot in my heart. I had to act like it wasn't eating me up inside, but at times, I just couldn't hold it in. This reminds me, when I turned 13, my ma was alway on business as well. I acted like it didn't matter to me, but I was screaming inside. How could she do this to me? How could she not be there for me, on my special day? I was distraught. I held a grudge. But this time around, it was different. This time, I came to understand. But funny thing, I didn't. I guess it makes me believe that I'm "growing up".

five things that inspire me ...

(1) even though i'm super new to the scrapbooking world, i often preferred traditional layouts and pages versus digital - but now that i've been luring around this site - i may just have to change my mind! but only to hybrid, of course.

(2) ryan. there's just something about his passion for cooking & food that makes me want to create. it's so funny because he comes up with all these idea for dishes and additions to the menu at work (usually at night time) & he jots them down on a pad of paper always handy at the side of our bed. i think he's brilliant.

(3) my 4x6 black ringed sketch book. i love being able to just write random thoughts, ideas, lists, etc.. there's just something about imperfections that makes the book so perfect.

(4) ali freaking edwards. if you don't know her (well, I don't really know her, lol), check her out - she'll probably inspire you too.

(5) & aiden - obviously.

I feel like my life is filled with never-ending to-dos.
doesn't yours?

Sunday is Aiden's baptism.
this weekend can either be smooth sailing OR super duper stressful.
I'm leaning on the super duper stressful end, only because I do feel like I'm a perfectionist. (although I'll never really admit that out loud - but I think I just did, no?)


okay! short, short post. off to feed my baby, then out to withdraw cash & purchase my long awaited square punch.
(making LO and pages are getting a lot easier, I think I'm hoping I can get one published!)

happy friday :)

thursday afternoon

things I plan to complete by end of the day:
(1) get everyone to pay their registration fee for the CIBC Run for the Cure
which reminds me, next year - I'll start the whole process much earlier!

(2) finish my LO of Aiden's ultrasound
I'm having a block with the embellishments, whomp

(3) gather up $3500 in cash for Aiden's baptism on Sunday (excited!)

(4) email professor with group names and student ids
why must I always be stuck with the leadership role?

(5) eat some ice cream

(6) purchase a square punch for my next LO

(7) give Aiden lots and lots of kisses

This is Aiden.

Our baby boy.

hello world.

my creativity is slowly creeping up on me again.
pls, bare with me as I figure out how to deal with it.

ps; I've found a new hobby. I shall share with you later.
as for now, my school work needs some attention.